I love you, mommy

Those were the words from my three-year-old granddaughter as we sat at the dinner table the other night. Innocent enough, sweet, pure, child's voice. Never mind that they came on the tail of her mother's admonition to 'eat your dinner.' We'd been sitting at the table for some length of time, waiting for Evie to consume just the prescribed portion of her meal so that we could break out the dessert.
Something about her timing sent me on a tangent; the "I love you" coming in the midst of outright disobedience caused me to reflect on the times that I have done the same - to God, to my wife, to people at work and school. While on the one hand professing my love and devotion, admiration or obedience, on the other hand I am in the throes of dishonoring, disobeying, disregarding that very relationship.
Evie is three. Maybe that's a good enough excuse for her. And maybe a person in a new relationship with Christ is still working things out, and may have an excuse for some path of sin followed. An old geezer like me? I may not be able to come up with a reason, but I've got some great rationalizations.
Lord, help me to be relational, not rational.

Amen. Lord, have mercy.

Once again, I'm working my way through the readings of the Celtic Daily Prayer from the Northumbria Community. The opening litany includes the Kyrie, which asks "Who is it that you seek?" The community responds "We seek the Lord, our God." Then we're asked four questions - "Do you seek Him with all your heart?" "Do you seek Him with all your soul?" "...with all your mind?" "...your strength?" For a long time, for each question I read the response in the text "Amen. Lord have mercy" ready to move on to the next section. Sometimes, in a bit of self honesty, I would pause on one or the other and think a minute, maybe responding with a "working on it" or "not so much so far."

Reading the response today, and thinking of yet another variation on the theme, it dawned on me that the supplied phrase, "Amen. Lord have mercy" really was the most complete, honest answer I could use. "Amen." So be it. It is as it is. Yes, I'm seeking with all my ____, but I know that on some levels it's not a full-in seeking. "Lord, have mercy." God, forgive me for not opening my heart completely to you and allowing all of You to illuminate all of me.

A few days ago we sang a song in chapel with lyrics that capture the essence of that prayer. The chorus says it best: The more I seek, the more I find. The more I find, the more I love. Lord, as I seek You, help me find You. And as I find You, may my love for You grow deeper and deeper, until I can fully respond "Amen! Lord, have mercy."